Domestic Violence: A Challenge for All of Society
Domestic violence is a complex and widespread phenomenon that involves any form of physical, psychological, sexual, economic, or social abuse within the family or in an apparently romantic relationship, perpetrated by a partner, former partner, or another family member. Domestic violence is not limited to beatings or physical acts: it also includes controlling behaviors, isolation, threats, and humiliation. Its defining characteristic is the abuse of power and control: the perpetrator seeks to dominate the victim and keep her submissive. There are several forms of violence, the main ones being: physical violence, with blows, pushes, use of weapons or objects, deprivation of freedom of movement. Psychological violence: threats, insults, emotional manipulation, control, isolation from social and family networks. Sexual violence: forced or non-consensual relations, coercion into unwanted practices. Economic violence: control of financial resources, prohibition from working or managing money, appropriation of the victim's income. Witnessed or vicarious violence: suffered indirectly by children who witness episodes of violence between adults in the family.
Domestic violence is a global and structural problem, recognized by the UN as a serious violation of human rights. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately one in three women has experienced physical or sexual violence during her lifetime. Each year, hundreds of women attend violence prevention centers, and femicides represent approximately 40 percent of all homicides suffered by women. In many cases, violence occurs in the home and is often invisible and underestimated; in 62 percent of cases, the perpetrator is the current or former partner. Many countries have created protection and prevention tools; in Italy, for example, there is the free number 1522 (active 24/7, free, and multilingual); there are violence prevention centers and shelters; and specific laws, such as the "Red Code" Law (2019), which expedites investigations and protects victims. The consequences of domestic violence are profound and affect physical and mental health (anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, deterioration of self-esteem); economic and social security (difficulty finding or maintaining employment and housing); and children, who can develop emotional and behavioral problems.
The increase in domestic violence worldwide is not due to a single factor, but to a combination of social, economic, cultural, and technological dynamics. In reality, it is partly a real increase in cases and partly an increase in visibility and reporting. In recent years, many victims have begun to speak out thanks to global campaigns such as #MeToo and Non una di meno; there is greater media attention, more protective laws, and more precise reporting tools. This means that more cases are being reported, whereas violence previously remained hidden. However, greater exposure of the phenomenon is not sufficient to explain all of its growth. In many societies, even modern ones, patriarchal structures and gender stereotypes persist that legitimize the control of men over women, normalize violence as "family conflict," and blame the victim. Domestic violence is often a way of reaffirming power and domination in contexts where traditional roles are being questioned.
Economic crises, insecurity, unemployment, or housing difficulties can increase stress and family conflict, make it difficult for victims to leave abusive relationships (economic dependence), and push abusers to discharge their frustration or feelings of powerlessness onto their partners or children. During the COVID-19 pandemic, for example, domestic violence skyrocketed worldwide due to forced isolation and increased economic tensions. With the expansion of the internet and social media, new forms of online control and abuse have developed, such as digital harassment, non-consensual sharing of intimate images ("revenge porn"), and surveillance through electronic devices. This has extended the phenomenon beyond the home. In many countries, laws are applied poorly or ineffectively; police and judicial authorities lack adequate training; victims fear that they will not be believed or protected. The lack of concrete support discourages reporting and perpetuates the cycle of violence. Today, with the advancement of female emancipation, many women reject subordinate roles and demand autonomy. This, paradoxically, in some contexts generates violent reactions from those who perceive a loss of power or control. In summary, the phenomenon is expanding because more cases are emerging thanks to greater awareness; the structural roots of violence (inequality, patriarchal culture, social crises) have still not been resolved; new forms of abuse are developing (digital, economic, psychological); and institutions, in many countries, are still incapable of effectively preventing and protecting against violence.
Many countries, especially in Europe, are attempting to counter this growth with policies, laws, and prevention programs. However, the key issue continues to be the mutual responsibility that causes the breakdown of bonds in relationships, especially in families. This is a key factor in understanding and preventing domestic violence. A healthy relationship is based on respect, freedom, and mutual communication. When these elements are lacking, tensions, conflicts, or abuse can arise. However, it is important to distinguish between relational responsibility (which affects both members of the couple) and responsibility for violence (which falls solely on the perpetrator). In most cases of domestic violence, the man is the perpetrator. His primary responsibilities include the inability to recognize and manage his own aggression without taking it out on his partner; difficulty accepting the woman's autonomy and equality; inability to use dialogue and control to resolve conflicts; and lack of accountability for his actions, often justifying them by stress, jealousy, or provocation. In an abusive relationship, the abuser chooses to act, and no provocation justifies it. The woman, for her part, is not at fault for the violence she has suffered. However, from a broader relational perspective (before or after the violence), she may be responsible for the maintenance or quality of the bond. Like anyone else, she must cultivate sincere and non-accusatory communication; listen to and negotiate the other's needs; recognize warning signs (control, jealousy, isolation) and not underestimate them; seek help and not remain alone if the relationship becomes toxic or threatening. These are not failings, but self-defense strategies and awareness to prevent risky situations.
Relationships break apart for many reasons. However, it is important to distinguish between physiological (natural) causes and pathological (destructive) ones. Among the most common causes in the lives of couples are personal changes (different values, priorities, life goals); broken communication or lack of mutual listening; lack of trust or betrayal; routine and loss of emotional intimacy; and external stress (work, finances, family of origin). In these cases, the break-up may be painful but not violent, and becomes a stage of development. Pathological causes, linked to relational dysfunction, include: emotional dependence or control; pathological jealousy or possessiveness; lack of respect and manipulative communication; physical, psychological, or financial abuse; trauma or internalized violent family patterns. In these situations, the relationship becomes asymmetrical: one member of the couple dominates and the other suffers. Often, the break-up is inevitable but also dangerous, because the moment of separation is when the risk of violence increases: many femicides occur just after the end of the relationship.
Recognizing the first signs of an abusive relationship can save your life. Domestic violence never begins with a slap or a direct threat. It usually starts with intense love, "romantic" jealousy, or excessive protective attitude. Then, gradually, it transforms into control, fear, and isolation. Your partner may seem perfect at first, but certain behaviors are already warning signs: He overwhelms you with excessive attention ("You are everything to me," "I cannot live without you"); He wants to see you or hear from you constantly, and becomes irritated if you do not respond immediately; He expresses jealousy even over the smallest things (friends, coworkers, exes); He says things like "I do this to protect you" or "I worry about you," but is actually beginning to control you; He wants to know where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing at all times. At first, it may seem like love, but in reality, it is possessiveness disguised as affection. After the "perfect" phase, the relationship becomes more rigid. Your partner begins to limit your freedom, often with emotional or moral excuses. These are clear warning signs: He criticizes the way you dress or behave ("I don't want other people looking at you"); He makes you feel guilty if you go out with friends or family ("Do you prefer them to me?"); He isolates you gradually: distances you from others out of fear of their reactions; He makes decisions for you (money, work, leisure); He sows doubt in the woman, making her believe she is "too sensitive" or "exaggerating." This is already psychological abuse: it aims to undermine your autonomy.
When control is no longer sufficient, real violence begins, often verbal or emotional: He humiliates or belittles you ("you are worthless," "no one will love you the way I do"). He insults or offends you, then apologizes and promises to change. He alternates between tenderness and aggression ("I love you, but you drive me crazy"). He blames you for his behavior ("You drive me crazy; if I react, it is your fault"). He intimidates you with his gaze, tone, or gestures (hitting the table, slamming doors). This is gaslighting: manipulation that makes you doubt yourself and undermines your strength. If the spiral continues, the behavior may escalate to physical or sexual violence, with pushes, pulling, and throwing objects. He restricts you physically or prevents you from leaving during an argument. He forces you to have sex when you do not want to; He threatens: "If you leave me, I will ruin your life" or "I know where to find you." At this point, it is essential to seek help immediately, because violence tends to increase over time.
After a serious episode, the partner usually cries, apologizes, and promises to change; offers attention or gifts; tries to convince his partner that "it was just a stressful moment." But the cycle repeats. Each time, the periods of calm shorten and the violence intensifies. The key is knowing how to protect yourself! For example: Talk to someone you trust; do not keep it to yourself. Call 1522 (free, 24/7, also available via chat). Contact a violence prevention center: they offer counseling, legal assistance, psychological support, and shelter. Keep evidence (messages, photos, medical history) if you fear the situation will worsen. Do not wait for violence to become physical: psychological abuse is already a serious warning sign.
Vicarious violence is one of the cruelest and most destructive forms of domestic violence, as it targets children as a means to indirectly harm the other parent, generally the mother. It is increasingly recognized in legal and psychological contexts, as it causes profound and lasting damage to both the children and the adult victim of the violence. Vicarious violence occurs when one parent—generally the perpetrator of domestic violence—uses the children as a means of revenge, punishment, or control over the other parent, often after a separation or a report. In other words, he does not directly harm the woman, but causes her suffering by damaging what is most precious to her: her children. The term "vicarious" comes from the Latin vicarius, meaning "in place of": the child becomes a substitute for violence, a "messenger of pain."
Among its principal characteristics is child exploitation: children are drawn into marital conflicts; they are forced to choose sides, are used to transmit messages or threats, and are manipulated to reject or fear the other parent. Genuine psychological manipulation occurs. The abusive parent typically lies about or demeans the other parent ("your mother is bad," "she does not love you"), creates confusion and fear, and makes the child feel responsible for his pain ("if you leave with her, I will feel bad"). This generates conflicts of loyalty, anxiety, and guilt in children.
Vicarious violence is a way of maintaining control even after separation, by delaying or preventing visits with the children; using family courts (custody, visitation arrangements) to harass the other parent; and threatening to separate from or harm the children. In extreme cases, unfortunately, violence reaches very serious forms, even to the point of killing children as punishment against the mother (extended femicide). This is not an independent phenomenon, but a subsequent stage of domestic violence: when the woman finds the strength to distance herself or report the abuse, the abuser transfers violence to the children to continue exercising power. The harm to children is profound, even if they do not suffer direct physical violence. They can develop: anxiety disorders, depression, nightmares, regression; difficulties at school and in relationships; feelings of guilt ("it is my fault if they fight or get hurt"); complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD); and, in some cases, the risk of reproducing violent behaviors in adulthood (as victim or perpetrator). Essentially, vicarious violence is a form of child abuse, even when it is disguised as "parental conflict." In Italy, vicarious violence does not yet have an independent legal definition, but is recognized and prosecuted as domestic abuse, witnessing violence, or psychological abuse. The Istanbul Convention (2011), ratified by Italy, obligates states to protect minors who are witnesses or indirect victims of domestic violence. In 2024, the Italian Parliament approved proposals to explicitly recognize vicarious violence as a specific crime. The key is knowing how to act and respond! Do not minimize manipulative or controlling behaviors toward children; report immediately any situations of child exploitation to the court or social services; turn to anti-violence centers and child protection services; offer psychological support to children to help them process trauma; train professionals, teachers, and judges to recognize indirect violence and not confuse it with simple family conflicts.
It is not easy to escape the cycle of domestic violence, because it involves transitioning from denunciation to hope and imagining a new family model based on respect, freedom, and authentic love.
We can envision two phases: A) Breaking the cycle of violence is difficult, but possible. It is a path toward liberation, which passes through three fundamental phases: recognizing, asking for help, and rebuilding. The first step is to identify what you are experiencing. Many victims, out of shame or fear, minimize or justify their partner's behavior ("he is just stressed," "it is my fault"). Instead, it is crucial to understand that violence is never a conflict, but an abuse of power; no one deserves mistreatment; love is not fearful: if you feel in danger, it is not love. When you decide to free yourself from this cycle, you must do so safely, without improvising. Some concrete actions may include: Call 1522 (free, 24/7, anonymous). The operators will listen to you, guide you, and connect you with anti-violence centers. Contact a shelter for victims of gender violence: they offer legal and psychological counseling and, if necessary, housing. Create a support network (friends, family, colleagues) to avoid isolation. Plan your escape if necessary: have documents, money, and emergency contact information readily available. Report the incident when you are ready, with the help of professionals (police, lawyers, social services).
B) Escaping violence is not an act of weakness, but of courage and self-determination. Only thus will it be possible to rebuild oneself and one's life. After leaving, a period of personal healing is necessary: Psychological support to process trauma and recover self-esteem; Empowerment programs (training, employment, financial independence); Self-help groups to share experiences and strength; Time: freedom is relearned, slowly but profoundly. Many women who have overcome violence become witnesses and agents of change, sharing their experience to support others. To prevent the recurrence of violence, a profound cultural change is needed: it is not enough to punish violence; prevention and education are necessary. Educating in affection and respect: Teaching from an early age that love is not about possession, but about mutual freedom. Promoting a culture of conscious emotions (learning to manage anger and frustration).
Promoting dialogue and gender equality in the family, school, and media. "Love is not what takes away freedom, but what recognizes it." Ultimately, it is necessary to promote equality and shared responsibility. A happy family is born when responsibilities (educational, financial, and emotional) are shared; both members support and respect each other as individuals; mutual care is cultivated, not dependence. Modern families should not replicate the model of "strong/weak," but a model of cooperation, where each member is recognized and valued. Many relationships deteriorate due to a lack of genuine listening. Communication based on empathy (understanding before judging), active listening, clear boundaries (saying "no" respectfully), and sharing emotions without blaming anyone is necessary. Family serenity arises from transparent and respectful relationships, not from the absence of conflict. It is necessary to support conscious parenting. A balanced parent does not use his child as a tool or refuge; teaches respect and kindness by example; demonstrates that loving also means knowing how to make amends, apologize, listen, and grow together. Combating domestic violence and promoting healthy relationships is not just a private matter: it is a social and cultural duty that involves schools, institutions, media, and the community. What is needed is emotional education in schools, training for law enforcement and workers, policies that support families and independent women, and positive messages in the media (which do not idealize control or jealousy).
But there is another subtle and invasive form of violence spread throughout the world: economic violence. It leaves no visible wounds, but profoundly impacts freedom, dignity, and autonomy, especially for women. It is present in all countries, in family, social, and work contexts, and represents a pillar of control and gender inequality. Economic violence is any form of control, limitation, or deprivation of economic resources with the aim of dominating, subjugating, or making a person dependent. It can occur: in the family, when one member of the couple administers or steals the other's money; at work, when women or vulnerable people are discriminated against or exploited; in society, when economic and cultural structures perpetuate systemic inequalities. It is a form of violence that denies autonomy and decision-making power, reducing those who suffer from it to a state of dependence.
Economic violence in the family is widespread, but is often not recognized as violence. It occurs when one member of the couple: prevents someone from working or studying; controls all expenses, even the smallest ones; records property only in his name; hides financial information or manages accounts unilaterally; steals money or denies necessary resources for children; demands justification or receipts for each purchase; or, conversely, accumulates debt in the other's name. The goal is always the same: to maintain control and prevent the other from being able to choose, leave, or become independent. The effects are devastating: economic and psychological dependence; difficulty leaving abusive relationships; loss of self-confidence and faith in one's own abilities; social marginalization and poverty after separation. In Italy, according to ISTAT (2023), approximately one in three women who suffer domestic violence has also suffered economic violence.
In the workplace, economic violence manifests itself in various forms of discrimination, exclusion, or exploitation. The most common are: Gender pay gap: women, for the same position, earn on average less than men (in Europe, approximately 13 percent less, according to Eurostat data from 2024); Obstacles to professional development (the so-called "glass ceiling"); Harassment or economic harassment: sanctions, failure to renew contracts, and work schedules incompatible with family life; Unrecognized or unpaid work, especially in domestic and care sectors; Limited access to credit, property, inheritance, or financial resources. Social consequences include: Lower economic independence for women; Greater risk of poverty, especially after separation or divorce; Lower likelihood of reporting violence or abuse; Intergenerational transmission of inequality. This is a global phenomenon. Economic violence knows no geographic boundaries. According to UN Women, almost 50 percent of women worldwide work under conditions of economic vulnerability; 2.7 billion women do not have the same employment opportunities as men; many lack bank accounts or access to credit; and in low-income countries, economic dependence on one's partner is one of the main obstacles to reporting domestic violence.
Economic violence stems from patriarchal and hierarchical stereotypes, in which money and economic power are instruments of domination. Beliefs persist such as: "The man must support the family" (and therefore has control of the money); "A working woman neglects the home or her children"; "Those who earn more have more right to make decisions." These stereotypes legitimize abusive conduct and render invisible care work, which is the foundation of the family economy, but is often unpaid or undervalued. To combat it at the personal level, we must recognize that economic control is a form of violence; maintain financial autonomy (personal account, management of money); document abusive behavior or financial restrictions; contact anti-violence centers or legal and tax assistance centers. At the social and institutional level, we need: financial education for women and young people; policies for equal pay and parental leave; incentives for female employment and entrepreneurship; access to credit and microfinancing; and training for companies and employers to prevent abuse and discrimination.
Combating economic violence involves transforming the culture of power into a culture of sharing. A healthy family or society is based on: mutual autonomy, not dependence; economic cooperation, not control; recognition of care work; and genuine equality of opportunity. "Economic independence is the basis of personal freedom. Where money is control, there is no love; where there is sharing, respect is born."
Conclusion
There are no easy solutions, but combating violence is necessary, starting from the family and offering men and women, both elderly and children, models of relationships based on mutual understanding and appreciation; each one in his or her singularity and specificity has the right to maximum respect; and even more to be esteemed and appreciated for what he or she is; to be loved simply for the fact of being there: of living in a particular house, with particular people, of working in a more or less complex work environment. There is a right to live serenely that manifests itself in a thousand different ways and that we must all respect, creating bridges of collaboration and gratitude, avoiding any form of rejection that might give rise to the culture of "the discarded," of which Pope Francis spoke so much. Violence in its multiple manifestations is the ultimate expression of a radically anti-Christian and anti-human culture.
